Developing Calm Confidence in the Chaos

Would you believe me if I told you this was one of the calmest years of my life? 

I bought a building, got through a 6,600sqft renovation, spent over a million dollars, moved, then launched and pretty much doubled my business. All in the last 8 months.

I am still proud I did all that! But the thing that really gets me is that I did it calm. 

I was never too panicked, or grasping for things. My sister, who was my confidant in this transition, is the only one who might say differently, but even as I detailed to her the precariousness of some situations, all I ever needed was for someone to listen. I already knew what I was doing about it. 

Calm businesses are a choice. So are chaotic ones. We are more in control of that than we want to admit. 

I have been thinking a lot about how this year was so calm, mostly because I am still so impressed by it myself. What I’ve realized is that a big part of my calmness came from my confidence. But confidence is not just something I have within myself—it also came from all of the people behind me. 

I was confident about the team I was working with; my designer, builder, banker, and lawyer. I was confident in my members’ support. I was confident in the City, that they would support this and provide incentives to help me do it. I was confident that I had communicated clearly enough to my friends and family about what was happening and what I needed from them. I didn’t make them guess and I didn’t push myself to show up to every 1st birthday and baby shower like I normally would. And they understood. They also showed up in ways I needed and asked for. 

Now, if you know me, you know I am not shy, and I do have a lot of confidence to speak and speak with conviction. But I am not without my doubts too; I am only human. My confidence is not always in knowing everything, but in trusting myself. I believe that I will figure out whatever is thrown at me. I will know who to ask, where to go, or how to defend what’s right for me. 

Months ago, Vicki asked me, “Where does your confidence come from?” I honestly think about this question a lot, and right now my best answer is just that I practice it. 

I put myself into a lot of scenarios where I have to figure it out. And so far, I always have. 

I am also deeply grounded in reality. I accept what is, and know what I can change. But nothing changes if you don’t have the conviction to say what you want without worrying about if it’s not what someone else wants. I have always known that it requires self-ownership to build the life you want.

The thing is, even if you say what you want out loud, you still might not get it. But you’ll also be okay. 

I have been told ‘no’ plenty of times. Like earlier this year when I laid my plans out in the open for public evaluation at The Pitch, and although I confidently shared my vision, that didn’t go my way. And you know what I did? I carried on. (Although my inner circle still occasionally gets to hear me whine about losing that one… I never said I wasn’t a sore loser!) 

When it comes to confidence, it’s all about reps. Just keep practicing it. Then use that confidence to defend the kind of business you want to have. You are in control of it. Do you want to say yes to chaos or to calm? 

This was the year that I realized that I am capable of doing way more than I imagined, that I have learned my limits and skills and can play to their strengths. Whatever comes my way, I have a deep trust in myself that I will figure it out. 

I hope you can build the confidence to defend your calmness.